“May the Lord lead your hearts into a full understanding and expression
of the love of God and the patient endurance that comes from Christ.”
— 2 Thessalonians 3:5

As we head into the month of February, it seems appropriately cliche to take some time to look at the health and well being of the close relationships in our lives. Heart check for heart month!

What does the Bible say about love? What kind of “lover” are we? How are we stewarding the relationships God has placed in our lives? 

Specifically, I would like to take a few minutes and focus on “compatibility” in relationship. We hear a lot about compatibility these days. Interestingly enough, when I think about compatibility, my mind draws a comparison to food and drink pairings. That might sound weird, but hear me out. There are whole menus and restaurants built on how each component of a meal can enhance or better your overall dining experience, and if you love food like I do, you have experienced this. But, I wonder if this is how we sometimes approach our relationships…and dare I say, our marriages? Trying different pairings and always needing something new and better.

You probably hear the phrase, “We’re just not compatible” get thrown around often, as if to say, “My taste has changed.” Many think it is a perfectly acceptable reason to end a relationship or marriage. It may seem logical and wise, even right and true, but relationships are not food we consume; they are souls we pour into.

When we treat people as something to consume, I fear it is our way of getting out of something important (a crucial component of life), just because we are tired of trying. Or we are bored and ready for something new and different. Thankfully, God understands our fickle hearts, and it doesn’t bother Him or surprise Him when we struggle with these feelings. He always wants to help us no matter how messy our relationships can get. We just need to be willing. Are you willing to let God in? 

“The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?
But I, the LORD, search all hearts and examine secret motives.”
— Jeremiah 17: 9-10

 
What are the factors of true incompatibility? What are the ‘differences’ that will break a relationship and cause two people to completely give up? True incompatibility is born from a hardened heart. Over time, the things we usually rehearse in our heads, or maybe even gripe out loud to a friend, lead to a heart filled with bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness—someone who is looking only to unfulfilled promises and long-awaited expectations that were never met. That is what breeds true incompatibility.

It starts in our own hearts. A poison that, over time, kills intimacy, connection, and love. We have all heard the term irreconcilable differences, but our God is the God of reconciliation. We also have that same spirit in us (1 Corinthians 3:16), and we have an opportunity to make things better, or worse in every interaction we have with others—with the people around us every day, but most importantly with our family and close friends. 

We have an opportunity to make things better, or worse, in every interaction we have with others.

You have a choice.

The biggest problem with the idea of compatibility is that it lacks God’s divinity. I’m referring to a characteristic of God, His divine power and presence. In our culture today, we often hear that word used as a descriptive adjective. As in, “My meal was DIVINE!.” But like many words in our culture, we have lost its true meaning and purpose in our language. The compatibility question is missing something…or rather, it’s missing someone. God should be a part of every relationship we have because He is the author of all relationship.

If you find yourself harboring thoughts of incompatibility, especially in marriage, I would like to encourage you with two words: Trust God. God loves to come into situations where His glory will shine the brightest. Let’s not be ‘wise’ in our own thinking, and instead let God lead us and direct our hearts and minds. God so often shows up when we least expect it, and “confounds the wise”…a.k.a. blows us away with the miraculous. 

My prayer for you this February is that you might believe in the miraculous.

He is able.

- Jessica Ritchie