Have you ever had a moment where it all fell apart? When your decisions and choices were taken from you? Everything you planned now changed. A moment that takes your breath away and leaves you gasping, too hurt, angry, confused, and scared even to cry. What can you do? If everything has been taken from you, what do you hold on to?

In one moment, my life felt like it all fell apart. I was looking forward to a full week of work, school, coffee with friends, a wedding, and drama practice. I was supposed to be with my family. 

Yet, on an Easter afternoon, I sat in the ER. When the doctor came over, closed my curtain, and sat down, I knew something was terribly wrong. It turned out I had a massive blood clot in my left arm. In a few hours, it felt like my whole life had changed. I walk into the ER, not feeling all that bad. I ended up that evening in the ICU on bedrest as the medication they put me on, while highly effective, had a high risk for internal bleeding. I required constant monitoring. 

It felt like everyone else was making choices for me:

No, you can’t walk. 

No, you can’t sit up.

No, you can’t eat or drink (before imaging procedures).

No, your nieces can not visit you (no children are allowed in the ICU).

No, your friends can’t bring you flowers. 

No, you can’t bend your arm. 

It felt like everything was out of my control. Have you been there too? 

Through those days, I learned that my focus was the only thing I could control.

I could choose to remind myself of the truth. Sunrise was my favorite time in the ICU. I asked my nurses to leave my blinds open, so I could watch the sunrise, put on worship music, and read my devotional. The one thing I could choose was to turn my head east. I could choose to focus on him, worship him and read his words. The truth is that God is in utter control of his universe. I can rest in that every day. No matter what.

I don’t know what you are facing today, but if you feel like so much has been stripped away from you, I pray that Psalm 63:3–8 comforts you today as it comforted me. 

[3} Because your steadfast love is better than life,

my lips will praise you.

[4] So I will bless you as long as I live;

in your name I will lift up my hands.

[5] My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food,

and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips,

[6] when I remember you upon my bed,

and meditate on you in the watches of the night;

[7] for you have been my help,

and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy.

[8] My soul clings to you;

your right hand upholds me. (ESV)

When David’s life was falling apart, he penned these words, a reminder that when the darkness feels like it will overwhelm you to remember who God is. On your bed when the world is fast asleep, and yet you alone are awake, call to mind the power of God. He will hold you. His love does not end or waver for you. 

From the rising of the sun to the setting of the sun, God is in complete control.

Rest in that today, friend, and turn your head east. 

- Christine Martin, ARISE Director of Ministry Relations